i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
