i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize