god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I stole a fireplace last night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
