lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i think i have two assholes
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
