You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
