she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Someone signed my nipple.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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