My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize