i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
