she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
BRING THE BAGELS
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize