do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
