The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
