btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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