come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
