omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
