You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
