oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
