just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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