First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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