I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
