when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
