My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
