i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
