i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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