I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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