he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
