Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
