I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
