I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You took a bar mat shot.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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