I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
