im drinking this country out of the recession.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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