if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
