guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
