Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
