i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize