I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
