four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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