After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Sorry about my life...
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
