I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Vodka?
Forever.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
