If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
