4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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