That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
