Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
