Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
