i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
