wake up i wanna do it froggy style
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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