And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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