You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
