Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
