woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
