don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
