bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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