awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
