How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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