My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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