I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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