You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
