Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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