you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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