I want to walk on stilts...naked
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
