Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
