you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
