bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
