I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
