I'm gonna have a badass scar
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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