The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
