Your face is a jimmy john
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
