i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
