Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
