Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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