After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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