kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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