Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
