omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
