we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
