no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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